Monday, July 19, 2010


I watched "The Deadliest Catch" last Tuesday.  This is the episode where Phil Harris died. 

If you haven't watched this show Capt. Phil was the foul-mouthed, chain-smoking captain of one of the boats.  OK this probably describes all of the captains but he smoked more that most. 

He really died back in February so it has been a slow build to what happened last week all season long.  If you have not seen this episode here is all I have to say about it.

As far as I am concerned all reality TV will forever be judged against this episode of this show and forever be found lacking.  Language is a little salty.

Monday, July 12, 2010


I got the opportunity to preach last night at Westwood Baptist.  I did several things I don't normally do.

1.  Wore a short sleeved polo (tucked in) and jeans.
2.  Had a cup of nice cold Coca-Cola on the pulpit.  Most thought it was water.  Sweet nectar of the gods.
3.  Made the Sunday night crowd laugh.  We were talking about prayer in general and the Lord's Prayer specifically.  Jesus told his disciples, "When you pray, pray like this...".  I was on the point where Jesus talked about asking for our daily bread.  I said it was a good thing that God supplies our daily bread and not necessarily weekly alotments because it is probable that I would eat it all at once and might weigh close to 1700 lbs. by now.  No need to sugar coat it because I would probably eat that too.

No one's head exploded and I think I communicated the Word with truth and boldness. 

Friday, July 9, 2010

Ben Hamaker

"I dub thee. . . Thor! Odinson and master of the Thunder!"
". . . did you just name one of your puppies Thor?"
". . . maybe."
"That's so, just, ugh."
"Then I probably shouldn't tell you about Fenrir and Ragnarok."
This was a Facebook post by my friend Ben Hamaker.  He doesn't blog all that much because he is too busy playing WOW and raising the IQ average of the Walker County Wal-Mart to worry about such things.  He probably stole this from someone else but this is beside the point. 

I just thought this was very funny.
My comment on his post was this:
"My dad told me I was concieved by lightning. Easier than the real talk to be sure."
You should check out his blogs.  They are old and they ramble.  And they are so grammatical they might make your teeth ache.  But they are also very good.  Just click on his names.

And yes this is an actual picture of him.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Things I wouldn't admit to when I was 17.

There are things I can admit now that I'm 36 (with 37 just around the corner) that I would never have admitted to when I was 17.  One of the most unfortunate things about being a 17 year old male in Western society is an oppressively need to be cool.  This sad fact may be a fact across cultures.  Imagine 17 year old Adibi from some random tribe in Africa.  He is going to do whatever it takes to look good and be the man in order to secure a mate.  He'll have to kill a lion or walk across the desert or something dangerous and manly.  17 year old Joseph on the other hand has to keep the appearance of cool.  Lest he look like less than a man.  The following is a list of things I would never have admitted to way back when.

1. I really liked the musical stylings of Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

2. I wanted more than anything in this world to be Wolverine.  Not the Wolverine from the movies.  He cries.  No the one from the comic books.  He would go into a rage and black out and people would pay for messing with him.

3. There were times when I just wouldn't feel pretty.
4. This was my favorite girl from 90210.

5. I loved "Dirty Dancing".  Note: If I had a daughter who was dating a man much older than herself without my knowledge or consent I would be peeved.  If that older guy looked at me and said, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." I would downsize his face with a framing hammer.

There are probably other things but I am going to leave those alone.  With the exception of #2 the rest add up to one thing: When I was 17 I was actually a 14 year old girl. 

Thursday, July 1, 2010

People I'd Like to Have Lunch With.

1. Jesus

I would eat all of the bad things and then try to pay the bill.  But he wouldn't let me. That's how Grace rolls.

2. Ronald Reagan

I would like to talk to the guy who called the USSR the evil empire to their face.  I doubt we will ever again see a President with a chart behind him in the Oval Office again. 

3. Bill Clinton

Billy C would be an absolute hoot.

4. Elton John

When I heard Candle in the Wind off the Live from Australia w/ the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra album I knew I wanted to play the piano like that.  Without that spark I would have quit playing and I would be living in a box under a bridge.

5. Alton Brown

Because you know the dude will cook for you.  And he will explain in chemistry why country fried steak is so good.  Then he'll forge his own cast iron skillet because he doesn't like the ones you buy. 

6. Kara Kinnaird

Duh.  She's a great actress.  And she laughs at me.  And she's a great actress.

7. Someone who has walked on the moon.

The idea of stepping foot on another celestial body awes me.

8. Osama Bin Laden

We would have a nice Mediterranean omelet with feta and black olives flanked by fresh warm hummus dip and chased with a glass of sweet tea.  Then I would pop a cap in him and collect the reward.

9. Scarlett Johanssen

Because she is a great actress.

10. Bill Gates

As he is ordering I would constantly interrupt him and ask him if he is sure he wants to order what he has made up his mind to order.  Then I would paint myself blue and refuse any command he had for me.  Then I would pop and cap...wait a minute.  Sorry, wrong guy.