Wednesday, June 17, 2009

He Be Illin'.

Kim Jong Ill. Sweet Lord what a crazy little woman he is turning out to be. But this is not about him. He is acting exactly as he should. Crazy is as crazy does.

I was watching the news this past weekend as Obama was going around apologizing to the Muslim world for their perception of America. As he is doing this North Korea is testing missiles that can carry a nuclear payload to America. One of the milque toast reporters reported that Obama had just issued his strongest statement yet on the rising tensions. (Note: Quote may not be exact but it is close enough for government work.)

"The actions of the North Koreans over the past few months have been provocative."

What!!. This is a strongly worded statement? Adam Lambert's outfit while he was singing with Kiss on the finale of American Idol was provocative. A crazy little old man in Harrey Carrey glasses with his finger on the button of an atomic bomb is not provocative. It's scary.

Whatever you think of George Bush you have to admit he handed down some pretty strong statements. Axis of Evil. Over the top? Sure. Strongly worded? Absolutely.

I would hope that any nation (not talking about terrorists and militant groups) that has something to lose by being stupid would know they cannot win this type of war with us. I would hope our diplomats are telling their diplomats that if they so much as poke a missile with a nuke on it east we will turn their miserable little rock into a ditch between China and the 38th parallel thus creating the island nation of Korea.

Quick question. Wasn't everybody supposed to be our friend when Obama was elected? Weren't there people in other countries dancing in the street? Just asking.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It takes guts to get old

Baby got back. More specifically, baby (me) got a hurt back. I would love to say I hurt it dominating in the sport I love. Or pulling a baby from a burning house. Or anything else than the way I hurt it.

I don't really know how I did it. The trouble started Memorial Day. I honored our fallen vets by doing absolutely nothing all day long. The next Tuesday my left leg was hurting and it has hurt ever since.
My dad once said, "It takes guts to get old." This coming from a man who pulled a piece of glass out of his elbow that had been their for 50+ years. He has a little jar where he keeps foreign (and American) objects he has pulled out of his body. His leg fell off 4 years ago. He is currently trying to his boat up the Hudson River from New York to Detroit. All that so say this. He is right.

When I was younger I usually had given myself cause to hurt. Now I hurt because I am awake.

Monday, June 1, 2009


Romeo. Bjorn.

I am part of a persecuted minority. My good friend (and token lib friend) Jamie would disagree greatly with me on this seeing as how I am a WASP male. I'm as WASP'y as you can get most likely. Here is the thing.

I am white. Not only in the way we have classified race in the world we live in but quite literally white. Actually I'm alternating between dark red and white at the moment. I was not made for the sun. I was made for the darkness and the mountains. But that is another topic for another day.

Most of my life I have felt the pressure to be darker. I remember going to the beach for the first time and playing on the white sand beaches of Gulf Shores in my big floppy hat (because that is how I rolled even then). Two tan people walked by and commented on my whiteness like I could not hear. Apparently pale children do not have the capacity to hear or feel.

"Did you see how white that kid was?"

From that moment on I hated my skin color. I would see all of the people I grew up with playing in the sun and turning a golden tan while I playing in the sun and turned a deep tomato followed by days of peeling my skin off like little pieces of Joseph-Jerky followed by a few more freckles and no change in skin color.

I have a theory why tan people make fun of pale people. It has to do with Vikings. Yes Vikings. Somewhere in their tan subconscious they remember the Vikings. The Vikings sailed down from the north when the ice broke up enough to get out of the fjords and terrorized the pretty people of the south. These pale men with their big beards and bigger axes looked at the pretty people of southern Europe and despised them for their warmth and melanin. They boiled out of those long boats like a wave of pale justice. Why you may ask? I think they originally came peacefully but one of the tan people (let's call him Romeo) asked one of the pale people (let's call him Bjorn) why they were so white. And we all know how he said it (just a little condescending). Bjorn heard the tone of voice and takes his axe and splits Romeo's head open like a tan melon. And so the carnage began.

Here is one of the truths about tanning. In the long run it makes you look like a piece of shoe-leather.
Here is how it should be. Tan people: Quit looking down your tan little nose at the significant portion of the population that cannot tan. They may be carrying an axe.