Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Reasons why I think I'm on the way to being an old fart.

I used to think it would never happen to me. I remember thinking Bill (my father) was an old fart when I was 15. And that wasn't teen angst speaking. He really was an old fart then. He would look at what I was wearing and I could see the scorn in his face. "How could anyone be so out of touch with what is really going on in the world?" I would ask myself.  I had seen pictures of him when he was younger posed next to his airplane.  He has the scars that prove he has lived an interesting life.  He walked away from a crash with an altimeter knob buried in his knee.  He has a small jar filled with stuff that he has pulled out of his body; altimeter knob and a piece of glass that was in his arm for 50 years from a car crash that claimed the lives of his front teeth.  "This is the only thing left of that '50 Ford." he said with some satisfaction.  The crash happened when he was 16.  He dug the glass out of his arm when he was in his 60's.  The only thing I have that comes close is a kidney stone I passed in the shower.  I don't think this even compares.  And yet as cool as all of these things are he still was an old fart to me when I was 15.  This could never happen to me.

I was wrong.

Here are some reasons why I believe I am well on my way to being an old fart.

1. I don't listen to Pop stations anymore.  Why?  Because it is mostly soulless and pointless.  I need to keep in mind the fact that when I was 15 my main dream in life was to be a keyboard player in a hair metal band.  Like this one.

In my defense I have to say that "California Girls" by Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dog is currently stuck on repeat in my brain as I type this indictment.

2. I loathe skinny jeans.  On guys.  On girls.  On mannequins.  Jesse Crowe's nephew was wearing a pair of these and Jesse asked him if they sold guy's pants where he bought those.  Keep in mind I looked like this when I was 15.

I also think khaki goes with everything.

3. My car is nothing more than transportation.  When I was 16 a car was the ultimate expression of the man.  Keep in mind this was my first car.

My current ride is a 1994 Honda Civic that looks like Tom Hanks near the end of "Philadelphia".

It also has no front bumper.  I do not feel the need to replace it at this time.

4. I think this hair cut is ridiculous. 

I have told my students at Westwood to look at the haircuts they have now.  I guaranteed them they would look back on it and wonder what they were thinking when they are 30.  Keep in mind this is the way I looked when I was 15.

5. I have a seat at church I think of as mine.
6. I hurt most of the time for no reason I can currently discern.
7. I have for the most part given up daily grooming.  I trim my beard only when it starts going in my mouth when I eat.

8. I have used the phrase "When I was your age..." more than once.  And I did not use it to be funny.  When I was your age we had cassette tapes and we liked it.  When I was your age Taco Bell was good.  When I was your age I had to call people when I got home.  When I was your age I talked to people, I didn't text people.
9. I don't text people.
10. I get angry when people don't vote.
11. I talk to the TV news when they are talking about stupid things.

There are probably many other things that you could add to the list.  Feel free.  I only ask one thing.  If you are going to insult me you have to click on an add on this blog.  The Blog-O-Log is going to pay for the new NCAA 2011 game coming out in July.

At least I do not get angry when kids are on my lawn.  Not yet at least.

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