Monday, November 23, 2009

From "A Walk to Remember" to "The Twilight Saga."

If you have spent any time around me you know that I absolutely despise "A Walk to Remember." I hate the message that it sends to girls. The message, simple stated, is this: My love can change a bad boy. There is a Greek word for this line of reasoning which translated means horse crap.

This is the reason why I hate "The Twilight Saga." I have not read one word of the books and have seen nothing but previews of any of the now 2 movies. I have stated in an earlier blog how I don't get what the appeal of Robert Pattinson is. My lovely wife (who has proven her good taste by hitching her wagon up to me, not to say I am a horse. My face is too round.) cannot watch the movies because she has impure thoughts about this fella. Really. I think it is his hair that bothers me so. Jamie Golden is enamored with his "bedroom" hair (her words,not mine). I wake up with "bedroom" hair every morning. Kara is not impressed.

But my hate of this "saga" has nothing to do with the grooming habits of any of the stars. I must say, for the record, that it also appears that Kristen Stewart is also not a fan of the daily bath. But I digress. My hate has nothing to do with any of these things. For me it is just "A Walk to Remember" all over again. Only worse.

The turd from AWTR is replaced with a different sort of turd from Twilight. Only worse. Instead of love changing a bad boy into a good boy in AWTR now love changes an unholy, undead, minion of darkness. Seriously. Vampires and werewolves are servants of Big Red. Could it be...Satan? I am so glad I do not have girls. Instead of here bringing home some little monster who is only misunderstood she might bring home some unhealthy, pale imitation of life who does not bath with any semblance of regularity.

Lesson of the day to a girl who might stumble upon this little rant. Your love cannot change a boy. And definitely it cannot change a vampire. He will still suck your blood from your body and leave you in the unfortunate state of undeath.

By the way girls, this is a Vampire.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

First, werewolves and vampires are not real, so leave Big Red out of this.

Second, Bella does not change Edward with her love - he is already a good vegetarian vampire. In actuality, his love will eventually change HER.

Finally, his hair is dreamy. And dirty. And therefore dreamier.