Post # 100. "I gave my last $10.00 to a hooker."

This is post #100. 99 times before this I have not told this story. My good friends know it. I told it at church one time. From the pulpit.

This happened while Kara and I were still dating so it was at least 14 or 15 years ago. I was living in Bessemer. She was living in Corner. It was late and I was getting off I-59 at 18th street in Bessemer. It was about 2:00 AM. I notice a woman standing on the corner of the ramp and 19th street. She is all alone.

I have a policy. If I have a get a weird feeling about a person needing a ride I trust that hunch. This hunch is something my forebears used to great effectiveness whilst not getting eaten by sabre-tooth tigers.

I do not get the sabre-tooth vibe when I pull up. She is wearing modest jean shorts (Jorts if you will) and an Auburn t-shirt. (I am making up the part about the Auburn t-shirt* but it does add a certain something to the visual doesn't it) She was alone and I thought it was dangerous for her to be standing on the side of the road in Bessemer at 2:00 in the morning. So I roll down the window and ask, "Do you need a ride?"

She said yes and walked around and got in the car. The following is a transcript of the conversation that ensued.

Me: Where are you going.
Her: I don't know. (Pause) So do you want to fool around or something because I need some money.

This is where a good Christian and minister of the Gospel would have stepped up to the plate and walked through the door He opened and shared had the right words to say. Jesus definitely would have had something to say. He did it all the time.

 I'm not sure I'm a good Christian or not. My father is fond of saying he has tried all his life just to be a bad Christian. And the Gospel is not what went through my head. What went through my head was all of the images I have seen of prostitutes on TV. None of those images featured Jorts. Not. Even. One. There was no Huggy Bear standing off to the side. No high heels. Just a woman in Jorts, Auburn t-shirt, and tennis shoes.

(Transcript continued)

Me: No ma'am. (There's no point in being rude and forgetting my manners is there?)

Me: Are you hungry? Do you need something to eat?

Her: Yes.

So I pulled into a convenience store not far down the road and reached for my wallet. All I had was $10.00. I gave it to her and drove away, mind reeling.

I had just been solicited by a prostitute. Not only that I had been solicited by a prostitute in my car. At 2:00 in the morning.

It is early Sunday morning and I go home and go to sleep. I wake up and go to church and never once tell anyone my story of the night before. My mother was at church that morning. After the service she asked if I wanted to go and get something to eat. I had been waiting to unleash the line in my head all morning and here was the chance.

Me: Yes but you are going to have to pay for it. I don't have any money because I gave my last $10.00 to a hooker last night."

There were several people standing around while this line hit the air. Everyone stopped what they were talking about and looked at me. Including my pastor, Roy Hill. I told the story of being propositioned and relayed my shock at how she did not look like anything I had expected. Nothing like Starskey and Hutch. That was when a woman I went to high school with delivered the best line on the subject.

"You didn't even get a back rub?"

* Note:  The woman holding the Auburn T-Shirt is Kathryn Tucker Windham of Thirteen Ghosts of Alabama fame.  This was chilling stuff for a small tike like me back in the day @ Greenwood Elementary.