Redemption.

I watched "The Deadliest Catch" last Tuesday.  This is the episode where Phil Harris died. 

If you haven't watched this show Capt. Phil was the foul-mouthed, chain-smoking captain of one of the boats.  OK this probably describes all of the captains but he smoked more that most. 

He really died back in February so it has been a slow build to what happened last week all season long.  If you have not seen this episode here is all I have to say about it.



As far as I am concerned all reality TV will forever be judged against this episode of this show and forever be found lacking.  Language is a little salty.

Preaching.

I got the opportunity to preach last night at Westwood Baptist.  I did several things I don't normally do.

1.  Wore a short sleeved polo (tucked in) and jeans.
2.  Had a cup of nice cold Coca-Cola on the pulpit.  Most thought it was water.  Sweet nectar of the gods.
3.  Made the Sunday night crowd laugh.  We were talking about prayer in general and the Lord's Prayer specifically.  Jesus told his disciples, "When you pray, pray like this...".  I was on the point where Jesus talked about asking for our daily bread.  I said it was a good thing that God supplies our daily bread and not necessarily weekly alotments because it is probable that I would eat it all at once and might weigh close to 1700 lbs. by now.  No need to sugar coat it because I would probably eat that too.

No one's head exploded and I think I communicated the Word with truth and boldness. 

Ben Hamaker

"I dub thee. . . Thor! Odinson and master of the Thunder!"
". . . did you just name one of your puppies Thor?"
". . . maybe."
"That's so, just, ugh."
"Then I probably shouldn't tell you about Fenrir and Ragnarok."
 
This was a Facebook post by my friend Ben Hamaker.  He doesn't blog all that much because he is too busy playing WOW and raising the IQ average of the Walker County Wal-Mart to worry about such things.  He probably stole this from someone else but this is beside the point. 
 

I just thought this was very funny.
 

My comment on his post was this:

 
"My dad told me I was concieved by lightning. Easier than the real talk to be sure."
 
You should check out his blogs.  They are old and they ramble.  And they are so grammatical they might make your teeth ache.  But they are also very good.  Just click on his names.

And yes this is an actual picture of him.

Things I wouldn't admit to when I was 17.

There are things I can admit now that I'm 36 (with 37 just around the corner) that I would never have admitted to when I was 17.  One of the most unfortunate things about being a 17 year old male in Western society is an oppressively need to be cool.  This sad fact may be a fact across cultures.  Imagine 17 year old Adibi from some random tribe in Africa.  He is going to do whatever it takes to look good and be the man in order to secure a mate.  He'll have to kill a lion or walk across the desert or something dangerous and manly.  17 year old Joseph on the other hand has to keep the appearance of cool.  Lest he look like less than a man.  The following is a list of things I would never have admitted to way back when.


1. I really liked the musical stylings of Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

2. I wanted more than anything in this world to be Wolverine.  Not the Wolverine from the movies.  He cries.  No the one from the comic books.  He would go into a rage and black out and people would pay for messing with him.

3. There were times when I just wouldn't feel pretty.
4. This was my favorite girl from 90210.

5. I loved "Dirty Dancing".  Note: If I had a daughter who was dating a man much older than herself without my knowledge or consent I would be peeved.  If that older guy looked at me and said, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." I would downsize his face with a framing hammer.

There are probably other things but I am going to leave those alone.  With the exception of #2 the rest add up to one thing: When I was 17 I was actually a 14 year old girl. 

People I'd Like to Have Lunch With.

1. Jesus

I would eat all of the bad things and then try to pay the bill.  But he wouldn't let me. That's how Grace rolls.

2. Ronald Reagan

I would like to talk to the guy who called the USSR the evil empire to their face.  I doubt we will ever again see a President with a chart behind him in the Oval Office again. 


3. Bill Clinton

Billy C would be an absolute hoot.

4. Elton John

When I heard Candle in the Wind off the Live from Australia w/ the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra album I knew I wanted to play the piano like that.  Without that spark I would have quit playing and I would be living in a box under a bridge.

5. Alton Brown

Because you know the dude will cook for you.  And he will explain in chemistry why country fried steak is so good.  Then he'll forge his own cast iron skillet because he doesn't like the ones you buy. 

6. Kara Kinnaird

Duh.  She's a great actress.  And she laughs at me.  And she's a great actress.


7. Someone who has walked on the moon.

The idea of stepping foot on another celestial body awes me.

8. Osama Bin Laden

We would have a nice Mediterranean omelet with feta and black olives flanked by fresh warm hummus dip and chased with a glass of sweet tea.  Then I would pop a cap in him and collect the reward.

9. Scarlett Johanssen

Because she is a great actress.

10. Bill Gates

As he is ordering I would constantly interrupt him and ask him if he is sure he wants to order what he has made up his mind to order.  Then I would paint myself blue and refuse any command he had for me.  Then I would pop and cap...wait a minute.  Sorry, wrong guy.

Reasons why I think I'm on the way to being an old fart.

I used to think it would never happen to me. I remember thinking Bill (my father) was an old fart when I was 15. And that wasn't teen angst speaking. He really was an old fart then. He would look at what I was wearing and I could see the scorn in his face. "How could anyone be so out of touch with what is really going on in the world?" I would ask myself.  I had seen pictures of him when he was younger posed next to his airplane.  He has the scars that prove he has lived an interesting life.  He walked away from a crash with an altimeter knob buried in his knee.  He has a small jar filled with stuff that he has pulled out of his body; altimeter knob and a piece of glass that was in his arm for 50 years from a car crash that claimed the lives of his front teeth.  "This is the only thing left of that '50 Ford." he said with some satisfaction.  The crash happened when he was 16.  He dug the glass out of his arm when he was in his 60's.  The only thing I have that comes close is a kidney stone I passed in the shower.  I don't think this even compares.  And yet as cool as all of these things are he still was an old fart to me when I was 15.  This could never happen to me.

I was wrong.

Here are some reasons why I believe I am well on my way to being an old fart.

1. I don't listen to Pop stations anymore.  Why?  Because it is mostly soulless and pointless.  I need to keep in mind the fact that when I was 15 my main dream in life was to be a keyboard player in a hair metal band.  Like this one.

In my defense I have to say that "California Girls" by Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dog is currently stuck on repeat in my brain as I type this indictment.

2. I loathe skinny jeans.  On guys.  On girls.  On mannequins.  Jesse Crowe's nephew was wearing a pair of these and Jesse asked him if they sold guy's pants where he bought those.  Keep in mind I looked like this when I was 15.

I also think khaki goes with everything.

3. My car is nothing more than transportation.  When I was 16 a car was the ultimate expression of the man.  Keep in mind this was my first car.

My current ride is a 1994 Honda Civic that looks like Tom Hanks near the end of "Philadelphia".

It also has no front bumper.  I do not feel the need to replace it at this time.

4. I think this hair cut is ridiculous. 

I have told my students at Westwood to look at the haircuts they have now.  I guaranteed them they would look back on it and wonder what they were thinking when they are 30.  Keep in mind this is the way I looked when I was 15.

5. I have a seat at church I think of as mine.
6. I hurt most of the time for no reason I can currently discern.
7. I have for the most part given up daily grooming.  I trim my beard only when it starts going in my mouth when I eat.

8. I have used the phrase "When I was your age..." more than once.  And I did not use it to be funny.  When I was your age we had cassette tapes and we liked it.  When I was your age Taco Bell was good.  When I was your age I had to call people when I got home.  When I was your age I talked to people, I didn't text people.
9. I don't text people.
10. I get angry when people don't vote.
11. I talk to the TV news when they are talking about stupid things.

There are probably many other things that you could add to the list.  Feel free.  I only ask one thing.  If you are going to insult me you have to click on an add on this blog.  The Blog-O-Log is going to pay for the new NCAA 2011 game coming out in July.

At least I do not get angry when kids are on my lawn.  Not yet at least.

List of stars without makeup

I recently did this little bit on a Wednesday for the kiddos at Westwood.  Yeah this was driven by purpose.

This is the lovely Jessica Alba with makeup.

This is her without makeup.  Still lovely.

Jennifer Anniston with.

Jennifer Anniston without.  Still pretty but....

Eva Longoria with...

Eva Longoria with out....Is that a mustache?

Sarah Jessica Parker with...

Sarah Jessica Parker without...

This is actually Ann Coulter with a horse face.  But I thought it was the best.  Shawn Stinson and I went to see Iron Man 2 several weeks ago and I saw the Poster for SATC II and said, "Cool.  A Mr. Ed remake is on the way!!"  Shawnie thought it was mean.

Madonna with...

Madonna without....

Lady Gaga with...

Lady Gaga without...

And last but not least Lady Gaga in the future @ 60 years old...

Here's to hoping you have a wonderful Friday.

I'm a Guest Blogger.

I wrote a guest blog for http://www.jamiebg.blogspot.com/
I normally don't endorse political blogs.  And when I say political I mean blogs about baking and taking naps.

Blog is about my favorite thing.  Check it out.  Then come back to my blog.

Joseph

P.S.  Next up on the guest blogging docket.  Perez Hilton.  Hey, it could happen.

I hate Soccer.

That's it.  I hate it.  Here are some reasons.

1.  Their hair.

2.  Those stupid horns that keep going.

3.  1-0 barn burners.

4.  I hate that not enough guys get their cojones kicked.  You would think the dudes playing would get kicked in the junk more.  But alas, no.

 

5.  This guy.

6.  There are people who get offended that Soccer is not he #1 sport in America.  They get mad when you do not like soccer. 

There are more reasons but this is a family blog.